I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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