Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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