Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
