THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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