can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
