I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
