hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
