Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
