I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
