well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
