and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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