You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
