there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
