nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
