I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
