Swine flu. Run for my life!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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