Already got asked if we're dating
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize