i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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