I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
