Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
