you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He did a backflip because drugs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize