some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
