Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize