theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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