Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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