i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
