hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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