Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize