There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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