I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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