***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
