I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
