My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
