when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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