and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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