she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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