So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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