Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
