the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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