so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
