just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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