Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
