Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
