You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
