I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
