her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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