I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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