I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
