oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
