Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
