I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
