My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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