I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
