I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
