So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize