I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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