you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
