This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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