They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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