I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
These tits shall not be calmed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
