and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
