omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
