I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
