I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My bed smells like the plague
soo... how was my night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
