I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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