yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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