You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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