Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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