Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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