i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize