i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
