Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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