girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
