I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
