something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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