Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
