Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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