Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize