What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
