i think my tv is drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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