He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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