just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
