I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
