My liver just broke up with me...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
