Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
