Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
