Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
