at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
