threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
