"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
